Stubby Little Legs

By Dustin Bergen

You will most likely never see a hog leap into the air like a gazelle through tall grass or bound over a fence like a whitetail deer.  They will not be bouncing like mule deer over cactus or springing up after tree fruit like yappy little terriers snapping at a snausage treat.  Their legs are not those of a graceful greyhound that makes long strides over the ground or a cheetah bounding across the Serengeti Plain.

But he doesn’t live in the wide open Serengeti, or on a racetrack.  Nor is he your grandmother’s lapdog.  He lives in swampy, muddy terrain and thrives in the thickest, most dense brush he can find, which might as well be a razor-wire strewn brick wall to us bipeds.   He is 200+ pounds of solid muscle, 3 feet tall, has knives on his face and wears a bullet proof vest – and he already knows where all the trails are.  If there isn’t one nearby, he will make one, even if that means going through you.

The advantage to a pig’s short stature is that it takes him less than half a second to mobilize his entire body, taking away your shot and leaving you dumbstruck, looking at a puff of dust in the shape of a hog like a Roadrunner & Coyote cartoon.

They are incredibly quick on their feet and can make short work of a long distance.  If that distance is in thick brush, your chances of getting a shot off after spooking him is anything but probable.  Their low center of gravity and high thrust-to-weight ratio also makes them very, very dangerous.

For example, take former NFL running back Marshawn Lynch.  Now imagine that his 215lbs is centered 2 feet off the ground, he’s got twice as many legs, and possesses a tremendously insane will to survive.  Add the fact that he’s got knives sticking out from either side of his helmet, and his only way out is through YOU.  No pressure.

Your Plan

Your only real advantage is being able to think quickly on your feet.  How do you practice that?  By thinking ahead.  In your mind, plan out what could happen in any particular scenario and what you would do in response.  With safety in mind, try practicing quick shots at random targets from a standing position in your spare time.  You may not have a chance to lean against a tree or lay down into a prone supported position to get a steady shot.  Be ready to make a quick shot while considering trees, foliage, backdrop, and other hunters in your area.  Your bird hunting skills will come into play in these situations.

Situational awareness is the name of the game here and one must always be prepared for anything.  If you find yourself in a tight spot and he’s charging toward you, aiming to put some extra holes in your hide, I hope that you have had that talk with yourself about how confident you are in your abilities to either A) Aim, fire, and reload or B) Climb a tree and wait for backup.

Next — “Intelligence”